The summer is a good time to take stock of how your kids are faring. Are they doing something that excites them? Do they wake up every morning eager to get going? Are they happy?
I did not ask about their grades, because if you answered “yes” to those questions, their GPA truly doesn’t matter. It matters if they are thriving.
For my book “Raising an Entrepreneur,” I interviewed 70 parents who raised highly successful adults about how they helped their kids achieve their dreams. It was a diverse group, and the cohort included people of different races, religions, incomes, family structures and educational backgrounds.
While many of these young people were not great students, all of them excelled because they found interests and communities that lit a fire in them.
Here are the four things that the parents of the most successful people always did when their kids were young:
1. They supported their children’s passions
Every successful adult I spoke to had a passion growing up. With the exception of the artists, who maintained their practice into adulthood, many of these leaders pursued careers that have nothing to do with what they loved as kids.
So why was it so important that the parents encouraged whatever passion their children had?
Since the activity was something they chose for themselves, they were excited to work hard at it. They learned grit and perseverance and became quite skilled. These experiences taught them to believe in their ability to succeed when they put their all into something.
Although many of the parents didn’t understand their kid’s passion, they supported them, because they saw the joy their child got from it. The most successful adults grew up knowing that their parents would always be there for them, no matter what they tackled.
2. They taught their children to embrace failure
The most successful entrepreneurs I profiled in my book are risk takers.
In my research, I found that the people who are most willing to take risks are the people who weren’t punished for, or taught to fear, failure when they were young. This approach reminds me of a Billie Jean King quote I love: “We don’t call it failure, we call it feedback.”
The most successful adults grew up knowing that their parents would always be there for them, no matter what they tackled.
Their parents always taught them that while it’s good to compete, to fight to succeed, and to win, it’s also good to lose. Setbacks are a chance to learn, grow and develop a sense of resilience.
The parents I interviewed always cheered on their children’s efforts, rather than only focusing on their achievements.
3. They encouraged curiosity and autonomy
Children who are invited to be curious learn that if they keep exploring, they will figure out a way to improve, or expand, or reinvent something they love and know a lot about.
The future entrepreneurs in my book were taught by their parents to ask, “Does it have to be this way? How can I make it better?” These questions are often how the most successful companies get started.
Many parents told me that they didn’t want their kids to be satisfied with something “because that is the way it is.”
As their children grew more capable, the parents also resisted the temptation to do or fix things for them. Instead, they give their kids the tools to solve problems themselves.
4. They emphasized empathy and compassion
Most of the entrepreneurs in my book were taught early on to empathize with others, and they grew up wanting to solve the concerns and problems of the people around them and in their communities.
They were raised with a genuine desire to improve people’s lives. Their parents never told them that the goal was to make the most money, although that was often the result.
This sense of compassion is what led them to want to create that piece of art, or product, or service that could bring people a sense of ease and joy. In turn, that foundation helped them build successful careers and lives.
Margot Machol Bisnow is a writer, wife, and mom from Washington, DC. She spent 20 years in government, including as an FTC Commissioner and Chief of Staff of the President’s Council of Economic Advisers, and is the author of “Raising an Entrepreneur: How to Help Your Children Achieve Their Dream.” Follow her on Instagram @margotbisnow.
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